Welcome To Heartbreak: Personal Accountability
It is easy after a break-up to blame the other person for the demise of the relationship. It is easy to overlook your faults and mistakes. Why is it so easy? Because the other person broke up with you and that’s the only thing you can focus on… your pride and the fact that THEY BROKE UP WITH YOU.
That’s all I could focus on after my ex boyfriend broke up with me. I was totally oblivious to my behavior before, during, and after the break-up. All I could see is what he did to me. How he hurt me. How he left me. How he ignored me. Not one time did I own up to my role in the ending of the relationship.
But on one hot summer day I got the reality check of a lifetime. I was finally forced to take personal accountability for my actions. The exact words were, “Amber, you are so d*** selfish and prideful, you think the sun and moon sets and rises on you’re a**. Did you ever once stop and think about how he feels? How the things you said might have affected him?” (*Excuse the language*)
The Word says in Obadiah 1:3 “You have been deceived by your own pride because you live in a rock fortress and make your home high in the mountains. 'Who can ever reach us way up here?' you ask boastfully.” I was so puffed up and filled with pride that I couldn’t see my own flaws and faults….I just wanted to play the victim role and I wanted him to play the bad guy who broke my heart.
At that moment I was left in the reality that before, during, and after the break my actions weren’t so nice. I gave him a lot of reasons to end the relationship. And now in retrospective, I don’t blame him for breaking up with me or for even not wanting to speak to me. I let my pride make a total fool out of me. Proverbs 16:18 says, “Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.”
While we at home moping around and singing Kanye’s West “How could you be so heartless”, we need to be taking a good look at ourselves in the mirror. Like David said in Psalm 26:2 we need to ask the Lord, “Put me on trial, LORD, and cross-examine me. Test my motives and my heart.”
We need to examine our faults, our mistakes. Heartbreaks can serve as great lessons and teach us about ourselves and things we need to improve and work on. Sometimes when we are hurt we can say and do stupid, silly, and foolish things we don’t mean. I remember during my last confirmation with my ex he told me I was acting childish and those words cut me like a knife. Because the truth was…I really was.
So I was inspired to put away my childish behavior and own up to my actions. 1 Corinthians 13:11 says, “When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things.”
Break-ups are always a great time to do a self-evaluation on ourselves. So the next time you find yourself wallowing up in self-pity and pride about how they hurt you….take a good look and the mirror and ask the Lord to reveal to you your faults and mistakes.
Today I encourage you to take personal accountability for your role in the break-up. Ask the Lord to show you things you might have said or done that might have caused the relationship to end. Examine yourself and work on and correct your mistakes, faults, and flaws so you won’t repeat them in your next relationship. Remember relationships are never one-sided.
Today Scripture: “Examine me, O God, and know my mind. Test me, and know my thoughts.” Psalm 139:23